I don't feel insignificant, nor do I feel old. Just no longer immortal. I have been in Gas City for a few days now, sleeping on my mom's couch, and I have to admit - I'm not having nearly as much fun as I though I would in Gas City. I have been having bad dreams... it's weird to talk about, but seriously awful dreams. I think everyone has had those dreams where they're running away from someone who is after them, but the other night was the first time I had one where the dude caught me, and then killed me. It was fucked up. It was one of the most terrible things I've went through in awhile. I woke up and just sat on my mom's couch with the light on. I felt miserable.
I thought I would be so excited to see and hang out with some people here, but really it's been kind of a disappointment - then again maybe I'm the disappointing one. I think I truly have just become too ingrained with Muncie and a completely different lifestyle than the one I'm sorta forced to live while I'm here. I'm not at all myself when I'm here anymore. I'm a quiet little weirdo now when I'm in Grant County. I have nothing in common with these people anymore. Not a thing to say to them. I'm ready to go back. It's just so ironic to me because I was sure that I was gonna hate going back to Muncie, but now it seems like it can't come soon enough.
I miss my roommates. I miss my friends there. I even miss the terrible fucking roads that give me a flat tire everytime I ride on them. Gas City/Marion are facades of home. There is absolutely nothing for me here. Nothing but conservative Christians making me extremely uncomfortable - and pill heads making me just as extremely uncomfortable.
I can't wait to go back. I need to go back. I can't wait to go back.
Come say hi sometime.
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